You’ve probably heard of emotional intelligence – but do you know what it is? Here, qualified counsellor and accredited mindfulness teacher, Julie Reid, explains how she was inspired to write this blog after reading Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ by Daniel Goleman.
As well as her counselling practice, Julie also helps to educate students on transitioning into the world of work. Throughout this blog, she shares her thoughts on how developing your capacity for emotional intelligence can help in the workplace.
What is emotional intelligence?
The dictionary defines emotional intelligence as "the capacity to be aware of, control and express one’s emotions, and to handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically."
As you can see from this definition, emotional intelligence is all about not only managing your own emotions, but those of others too.
However, don’t mistake it for manipulation – that’s not what it’s about at all! Emotional intelligence aims to help build collaboration, which requires empathy and respect.
There are some common misconceptions about emotional intelligence. It isn’t just about being nice, as some people think it is. Sometimes it’s about confronting someone with an uncomfortable truth.
But as we all know, it isn’t what you say – it’s the way you say it. So, developing your skills in empathy and social awareness can help achieve good outcomes when faced with tricky situations.
It’s also worth saying that women aren’t inherently better at emotional intelligence than men. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses in this area, and we can all work to improve our skills.
Why develop emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence plays a crucial role in processing thoughts, decision-making and individual success. By cultivating self-awareness, self-regulation, social awareness and relationship skills, we can develop a work environment that includes collaboration, innovation and mutual respect.
It’s good for your career too. As Daniel Goleman says, "according to recent research, employers are not just interested in how smart we are, but also how well we handle ourselves and others emotionally."
Employers are looking for people who can develop good relationships with those around them, as well as producing great work.
How do we go about developing these skills?
Daniel Goleman offers the following advice:
Practice self-awareness
First of all, we need to recognise and understand our own emotions. Consider how they can affect our thoughts and how we interact with others. If you’ve ever gotten out of the 'wrong side of the bed', you’ll recall how your grumpiness may have affected the rest of your day.
Develop self-regulation
This is about impulse control. Learning to pause before responding can pay dividends. Also, simple techniques like box breathing can help relieve stress, as can setting work boundaries to create a healthy work-life balance.
Cultivate empathy
To be able to understand the emotions of other people, you need to put yourself in their shoes. Actively listen to others, which means listening to understand and not just to respond. Show a genuine interest in other people. It’s amazing what you can learn when you really listen. Also, use your empathy to let others know that you understand them.
Enhance your social awareness
Pay attention to body language and the things that aren’t said. Develop your awareness of the emotional climate surrounding you, and adapt to that. It’s essential to always respect diversity.
Develop your social skills
This is about communication and collaboration. These are key attributes to ensure you’re able to work with others towards a shared goal. Clear communication is the bedrock of any relationship.
Work on your motivation
Make sure you align your goals with those of your employer and stay committed, despite any challenges or obstacles along the way. Do this by drawing on your inner drive. Stay optimistic and use your initiative to act on opportunities. Things won’t always be handed to you on a plate.
Improve your relationship skills
Build trust with work colleagues through honesty and reliability. Make sure to express yourself clearly and actively listen to others. If you experience conflicts, focus on solutions that will be of benefit to all parties. Use these tools to help navigate relationships effectively.
Ask for feedback
Feedback is valuable, so be open to accepting it from colleagues and mentors. It’s harder to make progress if no-one tells you how you’re doing. Feedback will help you to gain insight and initiate a course correction if you need to. Reflect on, and try to repeat, interactions that went well – and learn from the ones that were less successful.
Build emotional intelligence into your daily life
Set yourself some simple goals. For example:
- I will actively listen to my colleagues and refrain from working on notes when we are in a meeting
- I will practise some breathing techniques to help relieve stress
- I will foster emotional intelligence in others by being empathetic and encouraging within my team
In its simplest form, emotional intelligence is about understanding yourself and the people around you. Very few of us will work entirely on our own without needing to interact with other people.
So, being able to develop emotional intelligence will help you cultivate successful professional relationships and help you work towards your goals. Why not give it a go?